Have you read THE LIFE & TIMES OF AN INCORRIGIBLE?

If you haven’t you should. Here are 6 reasons you should buy this book.

  1. To give to a friend.

It will tell them how much you care.

  1. To give to a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Both will love it.

  1. To give to someone you like.

It will let them know you care.

  1. To give to someone you don’t like.

It will cause them much confusion and anxiety trying to figure out why you’re being so nice.

  1. Give it to your Mom or Dad.

To show them that you’re thinking about them.

  1. Get it for yourself

As a reward for all the hard work you do.

The possibilities are too numerous to count and it also comes in Hardcover, Kindle and Nook. I urge you to go right now & get one for yourself and one for any of the above situations. Thank you

This has been a Public Service Announcement

what-a-wonderful-book

http://amazon.com/author/robertsjerry

Some things just don’t change

When I joined the Army at eighteen, I really didn’t have any rhyme or reason to my daily life.

There was no “time to get up” or “time to go to bed” in fact, I pretty much lived in the minute.

The truth be told, I was pretty much oblivious to everything and everyone but myself.

I have heard ignorance is bliss, but at that point in my life, I was not a happy person.

Instinctively I knew something was missing but I could not verbalize, or for that matter, come up with a cogent thought to explain it to myself.

In August of 1964 that all changed. In retrospect, it was one of the most important days of my life, when on that hot southern summer day, I became a soldier.

a3

Those who have read my books know that one could easily divide my life in to four separate and distinct “lives”; childhood, soldier, scuba diver, then retirement from life to become an author and recluse.

 

Fifty-three years later, I still think and act like a soldier, even if I don’t show it. But the big difference is; I have purpose in my life and my military mindset has allowed me to accomplish extraordinary things.

At the time, I was convinced that the Army was trying to kill me. But, I have since come to understand all the physical training, long hours, and miserable conditions, are the reason I am still here to tell my stories.

When losing is not an option, adversity is just a word.

DSCN0004

Well, now that I have this on paper for posterity, I think I’ll make exception to a long-standing rule about drinking beer on a week day. After all; it’s summer, it’s hot, and I don’t have to work tomorrow.

003-4

Life is good on LZ Jerry!

C73CLiqVsAAMzvU

Trying to adjust

I have lived an adventurous life. You could reasonably say I have had more than my share of adrenalin pumping experiences.

 


Now I am no longer involved, on a daily basis, in those activities that give you what some call, a “rush”.
Now I live out in the woods and away from people.

My only companions are my dogs. I have learned that dogs are much more preferable company than most people.

A sentrydog
I’m just trying to adjust to a quiet life.

I enjoy taking my dogs out for a daily run around what I like to call LZ Jerry; actually it’s only a couple of acres with a fish pond and a creek running through it.

But it’s mine.

I fish in my pond (Lake Jerry), do some target shooting out back, and about once a week I go into town for supplies.

C73CLiqVsAAMzvU
I always try to keep an ample supply of the three B’s. That would be bacon, beer, and bullets.

 


That is not the hard part.

The hard part is dealing with people on the internet for parts, equipment, and generally anything that requires purchase and payment.
If there was a list of things that I have a low tolerance for; it would likely be “incompetence” at the top of that list.
It seems in this world of technology, you can’t get away from it even living in the woods. In the jobs I have had, it would not only have not been tolerated, but people could die or be seriously injured from it.
The only danger of that now would be if I were somehow able to reach through the internet or phone and choke the shit out of the person on the other end.

a10
So this is my adjustment problem. I’m working on it but, in truth, there is a good possibility I may never achieve my goal.
Everyone have a great weekend!
Oh, except for you commie bastards and terrorist; I hope y’all fuckin die.

DSCN0004

Yes, yes I said that

a10

“We spend our first twenty years wishing we were older and the rest of our life wishing we were younger” 

“When we forget how old we are, our body never fails to remind us.”

Private if you’re looking for sympathy…

You can find it in the dictionary somewhere between shit and syphilis.

History tells us that Patriots will cross a frozen river at midnight on Christmas and kill you in your sleep if you try to take our freedom…

“Once I sat down to make a “bucket list” but then after a while I realized I had nothing to put on it.

Thank you Lord.”

“Political correctness is a fatal disease spread orally by liberals and it is not covered by Obamacare”

cover-art002b

Author G M Roberts

An early Tuesday morning on LZ Jerry

C73CLiqVsAAMzvU

On Monday night after a typical “Monday” I sat down in my recliner to see if I might find a brief respite from reality on the TV.

I went to bed about 2330 hours after watching the movie Avatar.

At about 0230 hours my dog Jack wakes me up. He wants to go outside.

OK, I figured something he ate disagreed with him so I let him out. About five minutes later and he is ready to come back in.

I’m thinking now I will be able to sleep at least until 0600 hours.

Out of a sound sleep I hear this banging around and it sounds like it is coming from the living room.

I look at the clock and its 0430 hours.

I think to myself, what are those damn dogs doing playing grab ass at this time of the morning? I can’t get any rest.

I’m still half asleep as I stager into the living room, when I realize Jack is right beside me, following me out of the room.

What’s wrong with this picture?

When I get to the living room I see that the spot light on the porch, which works on a motion detector, is on.

As I pull back the curtain covering the sliding glass door I see my garbage can is lying on its side with the lid off and there is garbage all over the porch.

Now, to be clear, I have a 45 gallon plastic can on wheels that is not easy to knock over.

As I look around I see a big wet foot print on the porch. Big and kind of round looking, at this point I am thinking I may know who the culprit is.

I am not real happy with my attack dogs, Dash didn’t bother to get out of her bed and Jack my pit mix who barks at everything is perfectly quiet.

Summer morning 005dash

Well, it’s too early for me to go pick up the garbage and the light is on a timer so I go back to bed but as I do, I am thinking I probably haven’t heard the last of my visitor.

Sure enough, ten minutes later I hear more rustling out on the porch. This time the spot light is not on so I grab my flashlight and quietly pull back the curtain and turn on the flashlight.

Jack has also pulled back the curtain so he too can see.

What we saw was a very large black bear with his back to us, up against the glass door.

As I shined the light on his back, that covered the entire width of the door, I raised the light up to where his head should be.

The bear then raised his head from the task of sorting the garbage and looked out in the yard making what reminded me of a Mickey Mouse looking shadow. I realized the flashlight was shining over his head and lighting the yard.

Wanting to get a better look at the culprit, I ran to turn on my big porch spot light.

By then the bear apparently heard me moving or got spooked by the light and had disappeared leaving garbage everywhere.

Through this entire event Jack, who barks at everything, has not made a sound. He just stood there at the glass door and watched.

This gives a whole new meaning to the term “watch dog”

jack-001w

…about last week on LZ Jerry

C73CLiqVsAAMzvU

Thursday morning, when I woke at the butt crack of dawn, I felt pretty good. After the first pot of coffee I felt even better. Not to let this great start to the day go to waste, I decided to change the water filters.

It is a pretty easy and quick task so I determined it would be a good place to start my productive day.

That’s about the time everything started to go to shit.

I changed the filters, and then checked for leaks. The gauge showed the water pressure dropping but there was no leak at the filters.

My first thought was I must have left a faucet turned on. I started to go through the CP (Command Post) trying to find the source of the problem. As I went into the bathroom I heard the unmistakable sound of water spraying out, not from the sink, but from the water heater.

I ran to the breaker box and shut down the power to the well pump and luckily the water heater was already off. After closing the water shut off valve I went to inspect the damages.

The water heater is inside a small enclosure which prevented the heater from spraying water everywhere.  What I found was a rusted out water heater that just decided it was a good time to die.

As I inspected the tag it said; manufactured in 1992.

OK, that makes sense now. I never bothered to check it before. This is my fault.

I thought the best thing to do is go online and get prices and availability.

I turned on my computer and watched it boot up and then become totally unresponsive. About eight hours and a clean install later it was functioning but none of my backups, rescue disc, or anything else worked.

I figured it was time to call it a day. I still had water since there was a cutoff to the water heater.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Friday morning, after a much needed pot of coffee, I called the local hardware chain store.

I was transferred to the plumbing section and talked to “the new guy” who was egger to help but totally clueless. After about thirty minutes and several “I’ll call you backs” I thought we were on the same page and was ready to purchase a heater and instillation of said item.

It was then I was told it would be Thursday or Friday before they could come out. The new guy said if I wanted an emergency install they could do it Monday or Tuesday but it would cost a lot more.

I’m usually pretty forgiving with someone new on the job, but by now, not so much. I had two more “call backs” and got a quote for “emergency install”. By now I just want this to be over.

I went to the store and asked for the new guy so I could make the purchase.

Seems he decided to go to lunch and no one had a clue what I was talking about.

Finally, at customer service they found an invoice.

As I got ready to pay I asked if that included everything and was assured it did.

Feeling somewhat relieved, I went home and began to try to restore my computer, which took me late into the night.

Saturday morning, after two pots of coffee, I was making progress on the computer thing when I got a call from the stores’ 800 number, telling me everything was a go and the installer would come out to see what he needed and they would pay for the pre-inspection.

OK, a little good news anyway. About a half hour later, the new guy called to tell me he couldn’t find an installer.

I just lost it. I explained to him that he needed to call the guy at the 800 number and get their shit straight and not to call me again until they do.

Since I didn’t get any more calls, after about an hour I tried to focus on other things that needed doing.

I don’t like to shave in cold water. In fact I really don’t like shaving so I had not shaved in four days and was in need of a haircut. When I looked in the mirror, I was looking so scary, I scared myself.

Sunday morning I felt things were looking up. To tell the truth, I really didn’t do much of anything but grill some meat and drink a few beers.

003-4

Monday I got the call I was waiting for. The installer wanted to come out in the afternoon. I told him; hell yeah!

Everything went well and he said he would try to be back tomorrow to do the install.

Tuesday rolled around and my beard was working on day seven. I felt like Tom Hanks in the movie Castaway.

Then, the phone rang. It was a lady from the hardware store. She informed me that I needed to pay them another six hundred and some odd dollars. I already paid almost six hundred for the heater & parts.

I will not go into all the gory details, but I told them what they could do with their water heater.

After I had a chance to calm down, I realized there was only one option. I’m not a plumber, but I am an Infantryman. That qualifies me to do almost anything.

Wednesday morning I woke up the fuckin rooster and started looking for a deal on a water heater. By late afternoon I had come to the conclusion I would need to go and physically look at them.

I got what I needed to install it and bought one. It was late afternoon when I got home and decided to wait until the morning. I figured taking the old one out and putting the new one in would take an hour or two but I wanted to give myself plenty of time. Murphy’s Law.

Thursday morning and I am burned out but determined. I now have a full beard and really need a haircut. My dogs don’t seem to mind so why should I?

036

Things I already knew, are taking on a new meaning like: a fifty gallon heater is heavy when it’s full of water. I got the old heater unhooked and found I needed to completely redo the system.

With a little ingenuity I managed to get the old heater drained without flooding the house and removed it. After only four more trips to the hardware store I was able to get the new heater in and re-plumbed with no leaks. It only took about eight hours to do that one hour job.

Turning on the water and not having water squirting everywhere was the high point of my week!

The second best is having my computer working again.

Again I have proven what I have always known; if you’re Infantry, you can do anything.

DSCN0004

Life is always good on LZ Jerry!

Preface (THE LIFE & TIMES OF AN INCORRIGIBLE)

When you have spent your entire life living on the edge it is hard to accept the fact that you are not there anymore.  Self-perception is a bitch. You look in the mirror and you see who you were, not who you are.

 

As I write this I am looking at a pair of hands that I don’t recognize anymore. They are the hands of an old man. They are not the hands with smooth skin, easily discernible scars from teeth marks around the knuckles, and the knife scars on the backs that I remember. The ones’ that I remember so well have changed. The scars are still there but they are harder to see now through the wrinkled skin. Then reality hits home through my beer-induced haze. I am an old man.

cover-art002b

http://amazon.com/author/robertsjerry

Author’s Note

I try to remember that all the shoulda-woulda-coulda-did’s in the world will never make a damn bit of difference in my life.

 

I write from my life experiences and I don’t believe that my life should be portrayed in elegant prose. My life has never been elegant. My stories and the words I use to describe events are written as I would tell them to you if we were having a conversation.

cover-art002b

http://amazon.com/author/robertsjerry

 

Are you likely to enjoy reading this book?

If you are a book reader, and read and enjoyed the books Catch-22 or The Revolt of Gunner Asch, there is a real good chance you will like my last book.

When you read The Life & Times of an Incorrigible, you have to understand my sense of humor. The stories are true but the way the story is told, conveys the attitude and perception of the person telling the story, at the time it happened.

cover-art002b

I have had people describe the book as funny, sad, and sometimes profound.

If you have enjoyed my Tweets, book excerpts, and other stories, then there is a good chance you will like my book.

There are reviews on Amazon you can read, and the book is available in several formats; Hardcover, Paperback (2 versions), Kindle & Nook Book.

Please visit my website

http://amazon.com/author/robertsjerry

Oh, and I like dogs…

036

Spring has sprung on LZ Jerry

There has been the typical “Good Infantry Weather” here at LZ Jerry for the last few days, cold, wet, drizzle, and fog. Today however, a change has come.

DSCN0004

It started yesterday afternoon with an abundance of sunshine and, although cool, a clear blue sky. As I followed the sentry dogs on the afternoon perimeter sweep around Lake Jerry, I noticed that the frogs have also determined it is spring. There will be tadpoles everywhere in Lake Jerry very soon.

A sentrydog

This morning I saw the first rabbit out in the front yard eating the freshly sprouting green grass. I am sure this will also bring the hordes of bugs of all shapes and sizes, to include my all time favorite, the Georgia Gnat; The official bug of Fort Benning.

To top off all this grand gesture of nature, the pollen has also arrived, much to the detriment of my eyes, nose, and throat.

This time of year, up in the mountains I so dearly love, the pollen becomes overwhelming. My eyes water, my nose runs, my throat feels as if it is clogged with it, and it also affects my ability to breathe.

I know there are medications to counteract these symptoms but I just don’t like taking any kind of medicine.

All this is a small price to pay for the joy of feeling the hot sun on my skin. I do love this time of year. Watching the brown landscape turn a vibrant green, soon to be dotted with white dogwood flowers and the blue, yellow, orange, red and purple of all the other competing entries in nature’s collage.

DSCN0001WP

I realize that soon the cool mornings and the warm days will turn to the almost unbearable heat of the Georgia summer, but even that is a welcome change from the cold of winter.

Life is good on LZ Jerry! Or as I like to say; It just don’t get no better!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s beer thirty…